Pieces of Then
by Delysia
Summary: A Tommy, Kim, Jason story. Maybe it was meant to happen eventually, because there they were, a thousand miles from what had once been home, a decade from the people they had been, and he still managed to give her butterflies.
1. One: Reconnnection

**Pieces of Then**

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><p><em>Dear Readers,<em>

_I place myself on the fanfic altar and beg forgiveness for abandoning this story. It has spent many months rolling around in my head. The journey I wanted the character to embark on still calling me but the actual content unimpressive and out of character and just all over the place. There was no way to completely salvage it. I was forced to sit down and rewrite, omitting entire parts and adding on others, until this story became something different and, I hope, better. The tone will, muse-willing, be more consistent now. The characters more true and yet still adult. The entire timeline should be clearer without the shifts in time that became such a sticking point for me before. I thank you for continuing on this journey with me and hope you will enjoy this tale._

_As with all my fics-_

_**Readers are powerful. Reviews are love.**_

_Delysia_

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Reconnection<strong>

They ran into each other in a back street record store off the tourist track in NYC. Tommy didn't quite know why he was really there other than soaking up a culture was his thing even if obscure shopping and records weren't, and somehow he could never seem to manage that in areas where it was well lit and smoke free.

She was shifting through records, searching for something. He watched her for a split second, drinking her in. He thought she looked like sin in her black tank and dark denim skirt that flared at the hips and seemed impossibly short. His eyes automatically searched for a color that was no longer there and he didn't know why he felt a pain in his chest at its absence. Her hair was long and different- the color, highlights or something- he wasn't really sure. The only thought coming in clear was that she was so _tiny_. She couldn't be the same girl who battled putties and monsters, who won two gold medals, the reason he gave up cereal for an entire year. (It felt too odd to walk down the aisle and see her face on that stupid orange box.) It seemed impossible that all could fit into someone so petite. In his mind's eye, she was always a force to be reckoned with, a larger than life piece of his past.

"Kimberly?" Her name rolled off his tongue and she instinctively turned. He watched as her gaze sought his out.

"Tommy," she exhaled his name before her face split into that two-shades-short-of-goofy grin that he remembered from a lifetime ago, as if running into an ex that she hadn't laid eyes on in almost a decade was an everyday occurrence for her. It certainly wasn't for him but he found himself smiling back, as if her happiness was contagious.

"If it isn't my favorite brother..." she drawled.

His eyes darkened at the reference. A sting in that word that Tommy was pretty sure he should be over by then. At twenty-nine, he was no longer that same boy who loved her so deeply at sixteen.

"That was lame. Sorry," Kim chided herself and he mentally shook his head, wondering why she would bring up _that_ now. She fidgeted a moment, pushing back her sunglasses to let them rest on top her head. "I just thought if I brought it up it wouldn't be, like, this big thing. Dumb, I know. Please, just forget I said that. Can we just start again?"

"Hi, Kim," he played along and she smiled in relief.

"Tommy, hey! It's good to see you." He watched as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, a funny feeling brewing deep inside of him at the familiar movement. Despite her attempt to bring in some levity to the situation, she appeared as tense as he felt.

Desperate to put them both at ease he spoke. Inwardly cringing as the words stumbled out of his mouth. "Your hair is different." She quirked an eyebrow at his observation. "I like it," he tacked on lamely.

"Thanks," she replied softly. Her left hand ran through the length of it, as if unsure of his comment. "I like yours too," she volleyed the compliment back at him, "and the glasses- very Clark Kent of you."

"Yeah."

They didn't leave right away; she had 'some vinyl' she wanted to buy. He surprised himself by not minding the wait. She spoke then, telling him how excited she was to get the records, something about Japanese imports he didn't really get. Tommy found it hard to concentrate on what she was saying. He knew it was rude, and wanted to listen, but there was something in the animation of her face, in her voice, that occupied his attention and made the actual content unimportant.

She seemed happy, which he enjoyed. He envied her too, and not just the contentment. Kim lived in a perpetual immediacy bubble, living so much in the moment that when you were with her you almost forget that yesterday ever existed and that tomorrow was inevitable.

Almost.

Seeing her now reminded him that he had never been able to abide with that for long, not when tomorrow held so much promise. His way was about existing for the next day because that was where the control was. The realism of once again being a civilian making it clear to him that tomorrow was now today, and that all of his future plans were dwindling away into Being Lived.

Kim steered him into a coffee shop next door where they sold coffee in chipped once-white cups off tables with plastic covers. It got quiet then. She didn't ask what he was doing in New York and he returned the favor by not asking what she was doing there – too insulting, too workmanlike small talk. He wanted to assume she had finally settled somewhere, which was probably a bigger leap of faith than hoped.

"So, what's new with you?" And Tommy could swear he could actually see her struggling to sit still, as if she still had too much energy and nothing to channel it into. She practically vibrated in her chair until the coffee arrived from the waitress and she had something to occupy her hands.

Nothing was new with him, which was the point. He was still Tommy and she was still Kimberly and they hadn't seen each other in almost a decade; hadn't been together, just them, in much longer.

"I got my PhD," he announced and he wondered what prompted him to say that. He was not his mother, who felt the need to mention it to everyone she met. It was not like he was trying to impress Kim. They knew each other too well for that. He thought perhaps he just wanted her to know that he had been okay without her. He didn't even try to figure out if that is a lie or not. "I am teaching science at Reefside High."

"I heard."

Of course, she had heard. They still occasionally ran in the same circles, even though the last time he saw her she was in the passenger's seat of Jason's rental, driving away after the tournament and Tommy couldn't even muster the courage to say goodbye or tell her off or ask her _why_. He shook his head slightly, wanting to clear the air of that gnat of a memory. He didn't like to think on that time- Jason and Kim kidnapped, watching them plummet into the lava below, and once rescued how they practically stayed within arm's reach of each other before eventually both leaving together. It had been such a mess and even now, Tommy wasn't certain on why watching them drive away together felt like a knife to the chest.

"I still don't know if I believe it." Her voice jolted him back to the present. She was grinning in that way that showed she was teasing. Back in the day, he would have sheepishly returned her smile; some good natured ribbing between friends. Now, he just wished she wouldn't. "You actually remembered to go to class?"

"Jason said the same thing. Is it really that hard to believe?"

"Kinda," she admitted. He smiled self-consciously, but looked away, unsurprised but not fine with it.

They sat for a moment and he watched the realization dawn on her face, guilt rising in her eyes. She was not malicious, just careless.

"Tommy... I'm-." She hesitated as the waitress stopped by to refill his cup. He already knew what she was going to say and he didn't want to hear it. He swore that he would just walk away if she started that shit.

"So what about you?" He knew it was incredibly rude not to let her finish but he didn't want to hear it, not anymore. He needed answers back then but not now. He knew she was sorry. She always was so sorry. And he knew a better friend, a better person, would let her get it out and then give her the absolution he could tell she craved.

But he couldn't.

He knew her. As soon as she said she was sorry, she would feel the need to fill in all the blanks, explain why it was for the best. She would list her reasons, her excuses, and in the end he would only hate her more for drudging it all up again because whatever her reasons were it didn't change who they were. That she went from being the love of his life to a girl he had once dated.

He was as over it as he would ever be. She would have to live without the heartfelt confession.

She opened her mouth as if to argue, and he mentally begged her to please, please just let it be. Her eyes warred with his for the briefest second; a spark that he had almost forgotten flaming in her eyes for a moment before it was quelled. She rolled over and let him have his way. "Not much."

It was a hollow victory, the girl he had known back then would have made him listen. It was a painful reminder that this woman was not his Kimberly. A decade between them and part of him still felt part of her was his, apparently he was wrong.

"Says the girl who had her dreams come true…" He felt the need to remind her that she should have been contended and happy. She was letting that mask slip.

"Not all of them." She didn't look at him as she said it, focused instead on stacking plastic coffee creamers. She didn't sound bitter, just like she was trying to be reasonable- he didn't want that. He needed her to be happy so he could walk away, one look that she was as misplaced and lost as he was and he knew, just knew, he would never leave.

"You won two gold medals," he pointed out.

"One of was for the team."

He waited a beat. Just hearing her discount it made anger seep from his skin. He, of all people, knew what those medals had cost. "And one you won on your own."

"Not on my own. I had a lot of help," she corrected before the corners of her lips turned up in a wistful smile. "That was pretty great. I wish you could have seen it."

He had but he didn't correct her on that point.

He had seen the Pan Global Games too, sitting in Rocky's basement sandwiched between Kat and Adam, and they cheered her on as she placed 6th. It had been awkward and yet not- it was back when they all still thought of each other as friends instead people they used to know.

By the time the Olympics rolled around, they were no longer rangers, no longer as close, (though Rocky did call to say he thought he spotted Jason with her as she walked in). It wasn't as if they were gathered as a group to support her. For the most part, he had watched the games in his dorm room on his crappy 20 inch Panasonic, while Haley tried to get him to concentrate on studying for his summer finals. He had been so proud of her when the team took first and then even more so when she scored an individual gold on beam. It was like a fulfilled promise, like confirmation he had done the right thing all those years ago- telling her to chase her dreams. Proof that he didn't give her up for nothing.

The night she won gold had been the last night he had been in touch with almost everyone at the same time. Aisha had left a screaming voicemail on his phone in which she announced, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" as if Tommy hadn't always known that Kimberly was destined for greatness. They had more of less all talked that night. Rocky and Aisha taking turns to speak over each other, playing phone tag and 3-way calling with Adam, Kat, Zack, and Trini to go over every detail again and again as if Kimberly's victory was their own. She was the only one missing from the joyous calls (besides Billy but living on a new planet seemed a valid excuse). She was too swamped with press to actually be able to get to a phone. Jason was relaying messages to her and Tommy settled for passing his congratulations on through him, trying to ignore that stab of jealousy that he was actually by her side instead of watching it on a fuzzy screen.

It all felt so long ago now.

"Jase was about to kill me when I switched to a full twisting double-back dismount." She had an inner glow as she spoke, as if she could dissolve back into the memory and be that girl, Tommy envied that. "I hadn't landed it clean once in practice. Instead of saying congratulations he actually yelled at me. Told me I was lucky I didn't break my neck. Can you believe that?"

"Umm..." He didn't know what to say to that. There were churning feelings inside him, as if his viscera were itchy and restless. Hadn't even known what it was at first, but that seed of doubt planted years ago, during the whole mess with Divatox, sprouted a bit- a ghost of a question he would never dare put into words.

"He was lucky I didn't kill him. And he wondered why I didn't want to take him with me on the expo tour. I should have told him to go back to Houston."

"Houston?" Tommy sifted though bits and pieces of her story, trying to puzzle it all together.

"Olympic team training with Bella." She didn't seem to notice the question in his eyes. "I don't think I ever worked so hard in my life, not even as ranger and that's saying something."

Of course, Jason went to support her after the fiasco with the gold powers. There was nothing to be said. Jason and Kimberly has been friends long before he came to Angel Grove but part of Tommy felt it was disloyal to him the way they had been seemingly fine without him. "So have you heard, I mean, is Jason here?" He hated himself for asking.

"In New York?" Kim's tone was incredulous. "No. I think he is in California. Last time I saw him was in Atlanta but that was like eight months ago. I haven't really talked to him since."

Relief seemed to wash over Tommy. He had been hunched forward as she spoke, one hand on his knee and the other gripping his coffee cup, giving him something to cling to if she had confirmed his fears. But now he leaned back, one leg stretched out with his back slumped in an insouciant sprawl. The tip of his scruffy little boy Adidas touched her calf. "Yeah, he crashed on my couch for a week a few months back; said something about heading up to San Francisco to see Trini. I figured he might be back on the east coast by now though."

"Nope." Her tone was clipped.

"He doesn't seem to ever stay in one place for very long..."

Jason was always on the move, living in a place for a year or so, sometimes less, sometimes more, before going on to somewhere else. Tommy could barely keep up with it all and always had the vague impression that Kimberly was with him. He had no proof, no real reason to assume anything. Jason would always come unattached and alone and crash at his place for a week or more with seemingly nothing to get back to. Still there were the stories, the ones Jason would tell as they grilled out with a few beers. Kim was never in any of them, not once, but occasionally Jase would let slip a 'she' where previously his traveling companion in the tale had been a 'he'.

Tommy knew it was a weak case at best, and part of him thought that he had just wanted her to be roaming like Jason, because the alternative, that she had somehow settled down and carved out her own life without him was gut wrenching.

She drained the last of her coffee and he was very aware that her leg was leaning in against the tip of his shoe. "I never really was good at that whole settling down thing myself. I have been only in New York for three months. I thought it was time to try that whole starving musician thing."

He found himself smiling without really knowing why. "I'd give it six months until you have a platinum album."

"Doubt it. I am stuck living on a steady Ramen diet and lucky that I have a former teammate that doesn't mind me staying at her place." For a split second Tommy wracked his brain about who could be in New York before he realized she meant gymnastics. That was her team now. Time had its way on all of them. "Still it's good. I have some steady gigs and it's just nice to perform. I missed that."

"I'd love to see you." And there it was, crossing his lips in a needy rush, ripping the band aid off quickly and exposing himself. He was supposed to just leave, that was the plan- a quick cup of coffee and walk away from her like she had from him.

"Seriously?" The light dancing in her eyes that reminded Tommy of something akin to hope; his pulse quickening at her response.

"Yeah. I've never seen you really perform much. I have a paleontology conference this week but my nights are free." He didn't know why he offered that much information, too much really but the idea of waiting another ten years for fate to throw her back in his path did not appeal.

"You're on, Dr. Oliver." Her hand snaked out and for a moment he thought she meant to shake his, as if confirming a dare. He fumbled forward, hand half extended when he realized she had not reached for him but his cell phone. Rapidly, she punched in her contact info before sliding it back to him.

_Kimberly Hart_ the display read. As if there would ever be another Kim in his world.

"If you are free on Tuesday night, I am playing at the Blue Devil on West 66th. No biggie, just covers but you might enjoy it. I know it's not exactly Nine Inch Nails but I always did say you needed to broaden your musical horizons."

His chest thumped as she spoke_, _the impact of her words settling upon him slowly, like a rising sun. _She remembered._ She remembered his stupid teen music choices that always drove her just a little bit nuts. In his mind, he had always justified that what teen infatuation he felt for her was not returned in equal measure. That was the heart of the letter; that was the root of it all, explanations be damned. The fact that he was not as forgotten as he first thought was warming. "Says the girl that loved Spice Girls."

"It was the 90's. Everyone loved Spice Girls. Girl power, baby."

They chatted for a few more moments about awful music which segued into awful movies before the waitress finally wised up about the fact that neither of them was going to ever order anything besides coffee and set the check in front of them.

Tommy placed the cash on the table signaling time was up. To be honest, he hadn't planned on staying on as late as they had. It was almost four. The day had practically vanished and Kimberly had to get ready to work, apparently waitressing at the same club she would be playing at later in the week. It wasn't fitting of her talents in his opinion, Tommy mused, before he clamped down on that thought. He wasn't really in a place to make such statements but the feeling lingered.

They stood, making their way out of the cool café into the dying heat of summer. For a moment they awkwardly waited, the sidewalk hot beneath the thinning soles of his shoes before she leaned into him. Whispering how good it was to see him, her breath warm in his ear, before she hugged him. His arms inelegantly mimicked her actions, wrapping around her petite frame, his throat going tight, a lump of nostalgia forming that he could not swallow.

_Kimberly._

He had missed this. _Missed her._

Well, not really missed. He had relegated her to such a tiny box in the back corner of his mind that he couldn't claim to have longed for this, or for her, or for any dreams of a future with her, in so long. He had refused such thoughts refugee in his head years ago, instead focusing any feelings of wistfulness on Kat.

He had loved Kat, in his own way he had. It just didn't work. She didn't drive him to distraction. She didn't cause him to think about kissing her and strangling her in the same second, didn't make him want to pull his hair out. There wasn't that fire. They lacked that push and pull that Tommy always found so alluring. They had tried, tried for far too long. The truth was they just didn't work.

Tommy still talked with her and over the years the tender reminiscence he had always associated with Kat grew into a more real friendship and one with her husband as well. Tommy had recently been an ear to one half of the couple or the other as they struggled with fertility treatments, happily settled in London but desperate to have their own family. Those conversations had always left Tommy mindful of his own lack of spouse or even a steady girlfriend, in which to build a family with and spent time fantasizing about really settling down. Still, even in those daydreams where he was settled and raising children, Kim never appeared.

Kimberly was firmly pushed aside in his mind and then like a bolt out of the blue there she was. And somehow she was back in his arms, so tiny that he marveled at her, such a strong powerful woman in such a small body.

He had forgotten this- forgotten that impossible feeling of being both completely at peace and yet enflamed that was always a byproduct of holding Kimberly. He breathed her in, reluctant to let go. Pulling back, only to feel her reach up, stretching herself as tall as she could to quickly brush her lips against his cheek as if she were second guessing herself as she did it. Tommy closed his eyes at the sensation, committing the moment to a long neglected part of his memory that had just been newly awaken, before breaking apart.

There was a moment of embarrassment as she pulled away that harked back to first dates and sweat palms before he moved to hail a cab and she turned to head for the subway.

"Call me," she demanded, walking backwards to face him as he opened the cab door.

"Like you would give me a choice," he shouted after her.

"I'm holding you to that, Oliver. See you on Tuesday?" she asked.

"It's a date." And the last thing he saw as the cab pulled away was her smile.

That image played in his mind's eye as he collapsed into the back seat of the yellow cab, giving the driver the address of his hotel. Tommy felt completely drained and yet oddly alive, zoning out on the traffic passing by.

Kimberly Hart. In New York. A city of eight million people and somehow fate had deemed it fit to throw the one girl who he never mended fully from back into his world.

And here he making plans to call her, no- _see_ her later. What insanity was he courting?

Clearly, he had lost his sense. She had bewitched him. That had to be it. He made a date with Kimberly Hart, a _date._ It was one thing to run into an ex, to indulge in a quick cup of coffee and catch up in the brightness of a summer day. It was another to make plans to meet up later when seeing her brought up a swell of long dormant emotions. And so help him, seeing Kimberly brought every memory to the forefront; a sick slide-show of the best and worst moments of his youth. It was all so intertwined, his feelings about her, about the letter, how she represented the best moments of his life, his own personal fairytale, and how she broke him to the harsh realities of the world. Love and hate were too close to distinguish from the other.

He played over the events of the day, still slightly dazed from the encounter.

She looked good. Who was he kidding? She was gorgeous. But attraction had never been the issue. Chemistry was probably their best subject. He wondered if she felt it too. That snap, crackle, and pop when they were together; that heat that had lead him to many a cold shower in high school. Not completely squashed after all, still simmering somewhere beneath the years and distance.

Chemistry they had but it didn't mend the damage done.

Their problem came from that poorly written letter, splotched and messy and mean. And maybe that wasn't the real problem. The real issue, whatever it had been at the time, had since mutated into a sense of betrayal on his side and left him, not quiet jaded, but stripped of innocent belief in love and its ability to endure all things.

Still… there was something about the destiny-esque quality of their meeting that Tommy could not quiet quash.

The cab stopped and he paid his fare, plus a generous tip. He made his way through the hotel, and up the elevator, his mind distracted by thoughts of a certain brunette. Once in his room, he threw himself down on the single queen bed with a groan. What was he doing?

Like a hundred times before, he found himself reaching out to the one person who had always been there for him. Someone could hopefully sort some sense into a day that felt too surreal to be true.

"Hi, Tom. Enjoying New York?"

Hayley's voice coming through his cell phone immediately eased some of the tension that had been building in his gut since he first spotted Kim in that record shop. "Hey, Hayley. Yeah. New York's good. It's been umm... interesting."

"What's wrong?" Hayley cut through the pleasantries, the stress evident in his voice. "Some tyrannodrones attack the conference?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Good. Because as much as I know you miss suiting up, I am pretty sure the kids are enjoying being civilians again and I kind of enjoy not having to save your butt."

Tommy found himself smiling in spite of himself. "No butt saving. I just- I just need some advice."

"So you need me to tell you how to save your own butt?"

"Basically."

"Okay." There was a quick scrap of metal against the floor, and a rustle as Hayley settled herself in for whatever misadventure had befallen Tommy now. "Spill."

Tommy took a deep breath before diving in, describing his shock at seeing Kim in New York of all places, the record store, the conversation in the coffee shop, the hug, finishing with the invitation to go see her sing that he wasn't sure was the smartest thing, but he had already told her that he was coming. Clearly he could not back out and by the way what should he even wear because he had not planned for any of this and- "so what do you think?"

"Run," was Hayley's advice.

"No. Seriously, what should I do?" Tommy asked in earnest.

"Run," she replied. "You know I am the last person to tell you to stand someone up but don't go. Don't do it."

"She gave me her number," he sighed, hating to even suggest cancelling but Hayley had never steered him wrong before. She was his rock, his best friend, the one person he could count on during all the upheavals in his life. "I guess I could call her and explain about being too busy with the conference."

"No!" Tommy could hear the huff of frustration in Hayley's tone. "Don't call her. Don't see her. Just don't. Erase her number."

"But-"

"No but. I was there during the Sydney games. You nearly tanked your summer finals because you were too busy focusing on what she was doing and she had dumped you how long ago?"

Tommy protested, "I wasn't that bad."

"Yes, you were. I am telling you, Tommy, as your friend, that you need to stay away from her. I am not about to be pulled into that mess that is a depressed Tommy Oliver again. I lived through the cereal ban of 2000, when I had to do all of your shopping because her picture would send you into a funk. I am not doing it again," Hayley warned him.

"That was years ago. I am completely over Kim now."

There was a pause and then came a soft reply. "Then why are we having this conversation?"

She had him there. If Kim hadn't mattered, if all this was really just spending a little time with a former teammate, he wouldn't have needed to call. The conflict was because, god he had forgotten how much he missed her until she was right in front of him and he could hear voice and reach out and touch her. But it couldn't lead anywhere. It really couldn't. She was in New York, he was in California for starters, plus a million other reasons that his head was screaming to listen to Hayley.

"You know me," Hayley continued. "I'm not looking into settle old scores or holding a grudge because of a few extra trips to the grocery store. I just don't want you hurt and this Kimberly girl? I don't know her. I am sure she is very nice but she hurt you before. Don't forget that."

Tommy sighed, pinching his eyes shut, his left hand rubbing over his weary face. "I know, Hayley. I know_." _And he did know, somewhere deep down he knew why he spent years not allowing Kim to even cross his mind except as a fleeting thought. Because every time it did, every time he really thought of her- it ached.

Ten years apart and there was still something there, something intangible without a name. The race of his pulse when Kim was near, the way her smile was so contagious causing his face to break into a grin, the way his stomach felt unbearably tight with nerves.

Part of Tommy rationalized that he owed it to himself to finally get some closure; more than a decade spent with too many questions, too many what ifs. He needed to understand, to really know. Hadn't that made things more bearable with Kat? The fact he knew without a doubt the how's and when's and whys they didn't work. That if he went, all he was going for was closure but Tommy knew that was nothing but a hollow excuse.

The simple truth was he just wanted to see Kim again. Just be near her and feel that rush that had been absent from his life for far too long but Hayley was right. It would be lunacy to put himself back in Kimberly's path.

"You're right," he sighed.

"I don't want to be," she offered apologetically.

"I know."

But Hayley was right, seeing Kimberly again would only end badly.

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><p><em>To Be Continued…<em>


	2. Two: There and Back

_Author's Note: Rewritten. Some things remain, while others fell away, new ones washing ashore, and the story evolves. It also expands (from 4,600 words to 8,400). Also I suggest rereading the first chapter because it was also rewritten._

_Still much love to MegaSilver for helping me with the initial writing of this chapter and helping me to piece the story together early on._

_~Delysia_

_This chapter is a Very Strong Teen rating. You have been warned._

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: There and Back<strong>

Kimberly was part way through a song when she first felt his eyes on her. The same warm tingle running up her spine that had always alerted her to his presence but it had taken her a moment for her to be able to hunt him out. On first sweeping glance, she hadn't recognized him- the hair, the clothes. It was proof that they had all grown up when she wasn't looking. She still struggled to wrap her mind around the fact that they were all adults now. The kids she knew in high school had real jobs, kids of their own. They were married, divorced and she was still just Kimberly, still searching for something, anything that would hold her attention and not let her go.

She acknowledged Tommy with the tilt of her head which he returned with a salute of his beer, settling into watch her at a back corner table. His gaze was so open and intense that she fought to keep the waiver in her gut from crawling into her voice.

"_Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile?"_

She focused on the song and eventually recovered her composure, falling into the melody, her face aglow with pleasure as she sang. Her voice coming out clear and strong as if she were singing for a stadium and not a small bar that was barely half full on a Tuesday night.

She didn't mind the small crowd, the cramped stage, the cover songs- none of it. It was all just a new adventure and she relished the challenge. She missed the excitement, the battle, whenever life became too easy, which was probably why it went so pear shaped in Atlanta. It was all a little too perfect and yet so wrong. She was beginning to think that the only contentment she could have was in the chase.

When the set was done, she thanked the small crowd, set down her guitar, and hopped off the edge of the stage. There was a flutter in her stomach as she approached Tommy, a wave of nervous energy, a sweet pain of anxious anticipation that had sorely been missing from her life as of late. She had forgotten what it all felt like- to actually be excited, and scared and nauseous in the best way.

"Hi," Kimberly offered with a smile as he stood to meet her. "Glad you were able to make it." She quickly hugged him, her one arm coming up to wrap around on his broad shoulders as he put one hand on her back and pulled her into his side. It was a brief, friendly gesture but Kim couldn't resist closing her eyes for a split second, inhaling deep and breathing him in.

"You were awesome," he commented, pulling out a chair and gesturing for her to sit. Kim had to grin at the action. Denise Oliver had raised her son right.

"I was a little off key in that last song," Kimberly admitted. It was a new habit she was trying to work on, part of her therapy now in a way, to acknowledge that she wasn't perfect. Part of her recovery from too much time spent in the glaringly harsh light of the public spotlight, a reminder that she wasn't without flaws, didn't need to be, she was enough as is- though the last part always felt like a lie.

"No." His gaze was painfully direct, Kim couldn't help but feel somewhat stripped bare beneath his stare. "Not flat at all. Kim…" he paused, searching for words, or maybe aware that he was saying too much- Kim couldn't tell. All she could feel was the thud in her chest and the rush of blood to her ears, as she waited impatiently. "Yes?"

He leaned back then, reclining ever so slightly in his seat. "Nothing. I just forgot how good you were, that's all."

Kimberly beamed under his praise, basking in the warmth of his words. "Well I'm just glad you were able to make it. I thought you would be here earlier. I was getting worried about you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Let me guess? You were super busy at your dino thing and forgot? I'm right, aren't I?"

"Like I would ever forget you."

"Smooth," she offered with a single quirked eyebrow and a smirk. Apparently gone was the shy, nervous boy she had known years ago. Now there was a confident air about him, not only in his words but in the way he unabashedly watched her from his seat. Clearly at some point, he had discovered how sinfully handsome he really was. Pity too, there had been something endlessly adorable in the way he had never seem to know how desirable he was.

Well, he might be Cassanova now (she mentally fought to block out the image of him with any other woman besides her), but she had three years of anecdotal evidence that he had started out as anything but. She leaned into the table as she spoke, telling him how it must have been some other guy she dated in high school, obviously it couldn't have been him who even forgot her birthday one year.

The subtle rise of color on his cheeks was her reward before she found him also leaning forward, causing her ears to flame with a rush of blood at being so close. "Well," Tommy offered, "having not seen you for a decade moved you up the memory priority list."

"Glad to know I finally made the cut."

"Kim…"

There was something serious in his tone that she fought to ignore. "I can't believe it has really been that long."

"Yeah. Hard to believe right?"

A decade between the people they had been, a lifetime of missed stories, miles of growing, and yet- she couldn't describe it, that pull, that draw, that something that existed between them. By all accounts it should have been dead and buried, eroded long ago by time and tempered by adulthood. Yet it lived on, evident in every glance.

But she couldn't explain that. So she simply breathed a 'yes' and tried not to think too hard on words like fate and meant to be. She, more than most, knew what an empty promise those words could be. Forcing herself away from that vein of thinking, she offered a small teasing smile. "Well it's good to see you have fixed that punctuality issue."

"What can I say? Old habits die hard. I'm working on it."

"And judging by the fact that you were only almost an hour late, making great strides obviously."

"It's not like that," he insisted and Kim could feel the sobering turn in the conversation, his eyes serious and honest. She held her breath as he continued; bracing herself for whatever it was that had him looking at her like _that._ "Honestly? I wasn't sure if I should come or not," Tommy admitted.

Kim bristled at his words. The harsh honesty made her blink twice as she willed herself not to overreact to the sharp stab of pain in her chest; the one that made it hurt to exhale. "Well, I guess then I should be happy you bothered to grace me with your presence at all."

"Kimberly…"

"No," she held up a hand, halting his words. "It's- it's fine. Really, Tommy. I hope you at least enjoyed the show." There was a tingle in the tip of her nose and the slightest quiver in her chin that she fought to ignore, brushing past him before she made an even bigger fool of herself. She felt so fucking stupid.

Didn't know what she had been expecting, seeing him again after so long. It wasn't really a date, Kim knew that, but she still hadn't been able to quell those butterflies of anticipation that fluttered in her stomach whenever she thought about seeing him again.

And Tommy?

Couldn't even decide if she was worthy of his time.

It stung. God helped her, it did. It wounded her barely recovering pride and brought up that voice in her head, the one that had become so needlessly cruel. She should have guessed as much and deserved worse, the voice sang into her ear. And Kim couldn't find it in her heart to blame him, or any of them really. But it still made something inside her hurt, she never did deal well with rejection.

She made it three, four, five steps before she could register the pull at her wrist and could process the repeated call of her name. "Kim! Just stop, ok?"

She did but refused to look at him, instead focusing her gaze on where his hand was wrapped around her wrist. Familiar shaped digits that she had once held in her own a lifetime ago. That seemed so far away. Had he loved her then? She wasn't sure. "What?" It came out as a bark, her shaking off his grip.

"Can we just talk?"

Kimberly finally met his stare, shoulder slumped, defeated and begging him to just let her go and lick her wounds in private. "Tommy, it's fine. Just leave it."

None of it was fine but she wasn't about to hash it all out with him, not when the result was the same. She wasn't worth the fight back then and was barely worth seeing now- that much was crystal clear. As to what she had hoped or thought tonight would have been- it didn't matter now.

"It was good to see you again," Kimberly continued, careful to keep her voice pleasant, if detached. "It was nice of you to come out here to see me perform. I hope you have a good conference and a safe trip home."

"Hey, come on. Don't be like that. At least let me finish," he pleaded, not letting her move past him.

There was a tap on Tommy's shoulder, Kim inwardly cringing as Marcus appeared. She didn't want this- didn't want the scene, didn't need the rescue. After all, it was her own doing. She had set this all in motion years ago.

"Hey," the six foot five inch tall, string bean of a drummer interrupted. "Let the lady pass."

"It's fine, Marcus," Kim offered through clenched teeth.

"Wasn't looking that way from where I was."

Tommy held up but hands in a motion of surrender. "Look man, I'm sorry. We were just talking and things got carried away."

"Well, I don't like when things get 'carried away' around K," the grey-eyed drummer stated, clearly unimpressed with the exchange he had just witnessed.

Kim stood rooted to her spot wishing somehow the floor would melt and swallow her up. How come there was never a time-travel wormhole when you needed it? "It's okay," she insisted quietly.

"Not okay," Marcus corrected with a firm voice and point of his finger.

"Like I said, I'm really sorry. Meant no harm, honest. Won't happen again," Tommy promised.

"Who is this idiot?" Marcus questioned Kim.

Then there were two sets of eyes on her as she fought for a way to explain the man across from her, who had once been her world. "Marcus, this is Tommy Oliver- actually Dr. Oliver. We- we went to high school together."

She caught the flash of hurt in Tommy's brown eyes. It wasn't a lie; he was someone she had known back in the days of doodling on notebooks and passing notes. She couldn't claim they were old friends- hadn't really ever perfected that whole friends only thing even back then, and as for what he had meant to her, well it was best if she didn't think too hard on it.

"Call me Tommy."

"Dr. Tommy," Marcus named him, raising a single bushy black eyebrow in Kimberly's direction. "Do I need to have him tossed out?"

Kim swallowed a smile at the thought of Marcus attempting to forcibly remove anyone. For his part, Tommy didn't seem too flustered by Marcus' direct threat, which she appreciated. He had obviously grown calmer in the years they were apart, aided by confidence, and yet still keeping with those manners that had made him one of the most sought after boys at Angel Grove High. "No. It's fine, just a misunderstanding- really," Kim insisted, placating her favorite drummer with a smile and a hand on his folded arms.

"You sure? I don't mind. I still have a lot of pent up aggression over the American Idol elimination last week."

"I'm sure."

Kim could tell Marcus was still hesitant to leave her and she couldn't fault him. He had a front row seat to when her world crashed and burned years ago, and it was only now with his help and Kyle's that she was slowly coming back into herself. He placed each of his oversized hands on her shoulders. "You good?" She nodded. "You need anything? Water, right?"

He knew her so well, not even waiting for an affirmation before calling out to a nearby waitress for a bottle of water for Kim. She was always so thirsty, as if nothing could quench her. And while she knew he didn't approve, it calmed the rolling of her stomach and made her feel whole and full. Once a bottle was in her hand, Marcus departed, but not without one last glaring look of warning at Tommy.

"Sorry about him," Kim apologized once they were alone.

"No it's- what was it you kept saying? 'Fine'?"

"Shut up."

"That's not nice. After all I was just threatened with bodily harm by your…" There was a pause before he finished lamely, "friend. I don't know about you but I am feeling violated."

"Yeah, right. Marcus is a threat? He isn't exactly body builder material. I'm scarier than Marcus."

"Not arguing against that. You're terrifying."

"Oh I'm sure you are just quaking over there."

"Why don't you come over here and check?"

"Yeah. I think not."

"Wow. Not much of a fighter anymore, are you?"

He was teasing but the words seemed to sluice over her like ice water. Well if she wasn't anymore, who could blame her? She had fought enough, more than enough. And she was tired. War wounded and exhausted from struggles that never ceased. When did it all become too much? She wasn't sure. She could remember several ill fated trips post rangerhood where she had proven she could more than stand on her own in a battle but who she was now was so removed from that girl that it seemed like another life completely. "Some things just aren't worth fighting about."

"Does that mean you will at least hear me out now? We can stay here and if you don't like what I have to say you can always call back your bodyguard."

"Yes, let's do that because tonight hasn't been sufficiently awkward. Sure, I want to sit and talk about how you don't want to be here while Marcus and the entire band are watching every move I make. Sounds exactly like how I want to spend my night." She moved past him, making her way to the side of the small stage, popping open the latch on her guitar case. "No, thank you."

"Okay," he followed after her, turning to see the other four members of the band had gathered at the bar. Marcus and a stocky fellow with two full sleeves of ink running up his arms were watching Kim carefully. "So the extra eyes are a bit intimidating but since when do you back down from a challenge?"

"Since now," Kimberly responded, placing the guitar in the case and latching it close. She had more than met her make-a-fool-of-herself quota for one evening. "Tommy," she turned to him, guitar case in hand. "I really do hope you have a good conference and a safe trip home."

She resisted the urge to hug him goodbye, to share one last embrace and inhale that scent that had always been uniquely Tommy. She wanted to but she didn't, she was nursing her wounded pride and her all ready shattered sense of self. New York, with Kyle and Marcus, was supposed to be the cure for the latter but it was clearly not working out the way Kim had planned and she found herself instead slightly heartsick and her mind working into an old, familiar rut as she made her way to the exit.

_280, 160, 220, 70, 45. _

God, she was going to miss him. And Kim hadn't missed him in years. Had somehow managed to place Tommy in a box after the mess with Muranthias, ascribed him to another life like bikes with streamers, chalk- drawn hopscotch courses, and happy endings. All things that were good but gone, grown past and now all out of her grasp. And then, there he was, not in a box but flesh and blood, grown up and so close she could touch him.

She swallowed that thought down.

_280, 160, 220, 70, 45, 95, 110. 980. _

Kim felt her anxiety start to fall away, focusing on that number to calm that uneasy roll of her stomach that happened whenever she wasn't sure that they would add up right. One day, one day she was not going to have to think about it all the time, Kim silently promised herself. One day, it wouldn't be like this- she wouldn't be like this. 980, that wasn't bad. Well, yes it was, but it helped her manage that feeling that she was spiraling, falling with no one to catch her. It grounded her, gave her purpose and control. As she walked away, each step reverberating, Kim tried to remind herself that she was fine, 980 and she was fine, and lie or not- she found it comforting.

"I wasn't sure if I should come because it's you."

The words rushed from behind her and she turned to face the man that still had an undeniable pull on her heart. "What do you mean 'it's me'? Am I really that awful? Because last time I checked I wasn't Zedd-level repugnant yet."

"No," he seemed flustered as he closed the space between them, his face agitated and animated. "Not that at all. It's just… It's just- it's you. I wasn't planning any of this. I was just supposed to go to the conference, give my lecture, and fly home. I wasn't planning on running into you."

"Well, sorry to ruin your plans."

"Seriously, do you ever just shut up? I have been trying to tell you that I wasn't sure if I wanted to come tonight because it's you and you are amazing! And I wasn't sure if I was ready to have you back in my life but I came because I knew I would be an idiot if I let this chance go by."

Kimberly didn't know what she had been expecting but it hadn't been that, nor had she been anticipating the truly stupid grin that broke across her face as his words settled slowly, taking a moment to really seep in. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and ducked her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"Dammit, Kim, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that. Can we just start over?" Tommy asked in earnest. "Because this is the worst beginning to any date I have ever had."

"Date?"

"No. I mean yes. Maybe?" He ran a hand through his shortened locks, sighing, looking ready to find a nice wall to bang his head into. "I used to be better at this. I swear."

Somewhere she had picked up the thread, a needle on a record in need of dusting but she still remembered the song. She knew how to play even if she was rusty. "You weren't really all that great at it back then either."

"Well, there is another high school memory down the drain. So I wasn't suave back then?"

"Nah, but you were cute so it didn't matter."

Tommy took another step closer, swallowing up the space until there was less than a foot between them. "Am I still cute?"

Armed with permission, Kim let her eyes roam over his body. Was he cute? No. He was walking sex. She tried to mentally compare the boy he had been to the man he was now but her mind clouded over. He looked so good, with a whisper of stubble and that short, short hair that was all about texture and touching. Long locks be damned, she wanted to stroke this instead.

Shit. Her mental droolfest must have lasted a beat too long because he was watching her; head tilted and clearly amused by her hungry stare. So she fell back into her old tricks, grease makeup and pancake; locked down vulnerability behind a quick witted snark and a smirk, forcing the wrinkle of her nose and a painted on frown. "I kinda miss your hair."

His reply was a sighing eye roll, a good natured refrain. "How did I just know you were going to say that?"

"Well, I do. The hair was long and sexy."

"Sexy, huh?"

"Down, boy. It's gone now."

"You just miss braiding it."

"Oh! I forgot about that! I did enjoy that. It was like having a life sized Barbie and you never fidgeted like Trini."

"Barbie? Really, Kim? Alright, I think this hair conversation is officially over. That's all I need, for your band of bodyguards to hear I was some substitute Barbie doll for you."

A wicked grin crossed her face. "Who needs to talk about it when I have Polaroids?"

His eyes narrowed. "You promised to destroy those."

"I lied." She loved the expression of shock that crossed Tommy's face and found herself wondering if he still assumed she was that angel he thought she was in high school- probably not. For his sake, she hoped not. For her sake too. No way to live up to that girl- she would know, she had spent the last few years trying to.. "Come to think of it, I think Marcus would really appreciate them and I never did get around to showing Rocky. I should scan them in; maybe email them to a few friends..."

"You are evil."

"I like to think of it more as immorally inclined."

"So can we get out of here? Maybe grab a bite to eat and you can shelve my public humiliation for another day?"

"I don't know… I am telling you people would really love those pictures. Remember I ran out of hair ties and had to use my butterfly clips?"

"Kim…"

"Fine, food first, public humiliation later. I just have to see if Marcus will look after my baby." Kim relished the look of pure panic in Tommy's eyes. "My guitar," she clarified.

* * *

><p>They sat with menus open between them and Kim found it hard to concentrate. Her mind ticked off numbers while her knee bounced a little, nervously nauseous. Mexican was clearly not the wisest idea but the location, only three doors from the club, made it the obvious choice.<p>

"Can we get a pitcher of margaritas?" Kim looked up with a start as Tommy ordered. She hadn't even noticed the waitress approaching.

"Water." Then the waitress was gone, giving them more time to peruse the menu.

"You still like margaritas, right?" And she wondered how he would even know that. The last time they had been together they had both been far too young and far too innocent. "Rocky might have mentioned the time at the beach." She could see the grin he was trying to suppress.

Skinny dipping one time (thanks in no small part to the generous amount of margaritas she had been drinking and a game of truth or dare) and of course Rocky has to make it into the 'Great Adventure of Hide and Seek with Kim's clothes'. And, if that wasn't enough, he then had to recount it to every single person who had not been present to watch the particular piece of embarrassment. She could still hear the howls of Jason's laughter wafting from the beach and that satisfying thunk that had been Rocky's head hitting the ground when she finally got a hold of him.

"That boy has to have a death wish." Kim glowered making a making a mental note to maim Rocky the next time she saw him and swearing that he would be getting an earful tonight. Time difference be damned. "He is trying to get me to kill him. I swear he is."

"Oh come on. It's his one 'humiliate Kim' story. He has to tell it to even out all the praise he spouts about you since you gave him the start up money for his dojo."

"Yeah, well… He deserved it. All I had to do for it was stand in front of a few cameras and endorse a few products. Plus Mighty Ape Academy has proved to be a good investment. It is keeping me in Ramen noodles at least."

Tommy's reply was cut short by the waitress reappearing, setting down their drinks and the requisite chips and salsa before grabbing their orders.

"So anyway are you going to have one?" Tommy asked, gesturing to the pitcher of margaritas. "It's a lot for just me."

She knew she shouldn't. No good could come from drinking with a man that looked as sinfully handsome as Tommy.

"I didn't mean anything by ordering them. I just thought you would like them," Tommy offered as Kim eyed the green frozen cocktail. "Scouts honor."

"You were never a scout."

"Honorary scout," he argued. "You trust me, right?"

Kim ducked her head for a moment, her fingers moving a strand of hair behind her ear. She suddenly felt very hot. "Alright, I guess one won't kill me."

They spent over two hours talking; the conversation seemed to flow easier after her second margarita. Her speech slowed and she relaxed into the booth, her hands still a little over animated in a way she got whenever she was genuinely excited. They covered most of the past rangers, who they had heard from last and what everyone was up to. Tommy confessed his surprised that she had taken Rocky's side during the divorce, admitting that he had pegged her to be firmly on Team Aisha. Kim just shook her head, saying she didn't agree with Aisha's reasons for the divorce and leaving it at that. Tommy teased her about the endorsements that seemed everywhere for a year and she mentioned the money had been good and she had had a lot of fun spending it, with only a hint of regret that it was mostly a thing of the past.

He told her about how he fell in love with learning after spending a year only going to university to appease his parents and she quietly told him how truly impressed she was with him. She asked after his parents and briefly brought up the letter, saying that the reason she sent it to the Juice Bar instead of his house was because she didn't want his mom to hate her. It was admittedly stupid and it was as close to an apology as Tommy allowed her to make.

Eventually they had switched to swapping adventure tales. At Tommy's first disbelieving raise of his eyebrow, Kim had set him straight. "What? You think you are the only one that has seen any action in the past ten years? Some of us do it without the fancy suits." And that had been that. He had told her about his latest team, recalling some of his battles and admitting how he felt just a little out of place fighting alongside a bunch of teenagers. Finally confessing how much he missed them now that they were done with school and away from Reefside.

And while Kim didn't have any official tales from the Morphin Grid, she didn't lack for her own misadventures because life could never see fit to let her have a nice, normal existence for any length of time. "Did Zack or Jase ever tell you about my twenty-fourth birthday? It ended up with me being left to die in a pit."

"A pit?"

"Long story but I will give you the highlights- Belize, a hurt kid, an ancient alien worshiping cult, and, of course, me in a pit because that seems to be a running theme in my life."

"An alien worship cult?" Tommy chortled.

"Shh. Let me finish. So neither of those knuckleheads can figure out where I've disappeared to and Zack decides I've run off with some local guy who is going to marry me for a green-card."

"Excuse me? Marry what guy?"

"The hot bartender at the resort but that's not the important part. The important part is that it took them almost two days to find me, and that was only because Trini set them straight. I mean hello? Chances are that if I disappear that I am trapped somewhere- a bottle, the Wild West, storybook, pit. I never get the 'run off with the cute bartender' luck. They should have known that by then."

Tommy laughed, splitting the last remaining remnants of their second pitcher of margaritas into both of their glasses. "Well at least Trini has some sense. How is she doing? I've been meaning to drive up and visit her. Did Jason ever make it up there?"

"No idea," Kim tartly replied.

"Oh come on. How is she doing really?"

"I wouldn't know."

"You two are best friends," Tommy insisted. "You must know."

"No, I don't know and no, we are not best friends anymore." She could see the questions forming in Tommy's eyes but she couldn't answer them, wouldn't answer them. The wreckage from that fallout was still smoking even years later. Those harsh words falling from Trini's lips forever burned into her heart. "I really, really don't want to talk about Trini. Okay?"

"Yeah. That's okay."

Of course, Tommy would be a gentleman and not press her for answers. Taking a deep breath she steered the conversation back to the course they were on. "Anyway, I have been meaning to ask because I already chewed out Jase and he blamed it all on you- the moon mission?"

"What about it?"

"Only red rangers? Really? What? Afraid us girls might show you up?"

"We thought about inviting you girls but didn't want to waste time rescuing you." He couldn't contain the chuckle that rose up from her indignant expression.

"Weren't they worried you might go evil again? How many times has it been now?"

"Like you can talk."

"That was once!" she protested. "And only for like five minutes."

"You nearly killed Kat."

Kimberly let out a small huff, plopping herself backward in her seat, sulking down in the booth. "Turn-a bout's fair play. I mean seriously! No one ever mentions how she tried to kill me before."

"That wasn't her fault. She was under Rita's spell."

"Hello?" Kim gestured to herself. "Lowered into a volcanic pit of evil as a sacrifice?"

Truth be told, her and Kat were fine- friends even. Not exactly the type to have weekly Friday phone calls, but they kept in touch and had even visited a few times when their paths crossed. Kim didn't have anything against the girl, except that she had legs like an Amazon and towered over Kim but that was a daily occurrence in Kim's world, but hearing Tommy mention her made her inner cavewoman come out. And while Kim knew she was the one that ended things, it still rankled how happy Tommy had seemed with her replacement.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought her up."

"No it's fine, Tommy. The whole thing with Kat just tends to push some old buttons." Kim sighed, "I just have never been good at sharing."

"I never could stomach the thought of you with some other guy," he admitted.

A single breath lodged in her chest, how could she not be moved by him? Dark, soulful eyes and that intensely honest gaze- it was happening again. And it couldn't be happening again. She was on a strict, self-appointed exile from all things romantic. One too many failed relationships, and not just normal failed but 'burnt to the ground and then earth salted' way only Kimberly could, had her swearing off the opposite sex until she could get her head on straight and she did not need her heart getting in the way of that. Of course, that was all easier said than done when he was looking at her like that.

It was then that the waitress reappeared, asking them if they needed anything else as they were closing soon. Kim apologized, reaching for her phone to check the time, finding it just shy of midnight.

"I guess a movie is out of the question," Kim sighed after a quick battle over the check which Tommy won.

"We could still go if you want to. I'm not really tired at all."

"Me neither," she smiled, heading for the door. Tommy's hand snaked out in front to open it for her, his hand grazing against her own as she tried to downplay the sparks she felt, electricity humming off his skin. "Well maybe instead of a movie we could go somewhere and hang."

"Yeah, that would be good."

They stood on the sidewalk, awkwardly determining where to go. Tommy putting forth the idea of coffee but the last thing either of them needed was a caffeine buzz to go with their second wind. Kim offered her place before reneging, "No, we can't. Kyle has a client coming early for a private training session. She will kill me if I wake her."

"Well, we could go to my room. Just to watch a movie or something," Tommy quickly tacked on.

"No dinosaur movies."

"You really think I'm married to my job, don't you?"

"Or martial arts movies," Kim eyed him.

"What's wrong with martial arts movies? You used to love them."

"No," she corrected, speaking without thinking. "I loved you so I put up with your horrible taste in movies."

"Says the girl who watched Titanic a thousand times."

"Titanic is a classic!"

"Yes, and you and Aisha watched it purely for it cinematic value. Nothing to do with Leonardo DiCaprio."

"What can I say? The man_ is_ fine. And if I remember right you teared up at the end first time you saw it."

"First time you _made_ me sit through it," Tommy amended, starting down the sidewalk. "And no, I didn't."

"I'm not the one with the faulty memory, remember? And I'm pretty sure you are going the wrong way. If you are staying on West 71st, we need to go this way." She took his large hand in her own and tugged him in the correct direction. He didn't pull away; his hand was so warm, so strong. After two blocks and with the alcohol dimming her inhibations, her fingers linked through his and it felt like home.

Afterwards, when they had descended into rhythm of traded barbs and easy conversation, they walked around the corner and down eighteen blocks to his hotel. It was certainly not down market but nothing special. Tommy seemed to like it, and Kim thought it was nice, how he seemed contended with life. She was never sated, it all worked for the moment and then it wasn't enough. She just couldn't seem to recapture the girl she had been.

The room he got was just that, a room. Nothing extra, she supposed, or superfluous. After a cursory glance around in which no details stuck in her mind, she turned to him. "Before you get any idea about where tonight is going, let me make one thing clear," she paused, Tommy tensing at her words, "I get total veto power on the movie selection."

"That's your big rule for tonight?" There was amusement in his voice.

"Do we need any others?"

Probably but he never answered her.

* * *

><p><em>'Relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last.'<em>

Tommy grabbed the remote and flicked off the TV with a sigh. She felt him shift and then there was soft light she could sense under her closed eyelids. She wasn't asleep, just in that place before wakefulness, when sound and light were muffled but present and her body was relaxed and languid.

She had her head on a pillow by his leg, her body curled towards the TV in front of them, her hair splashed over his knee as he sat propped up, his legs straight and his body resting against the headboard. She wondered how they had ended up so close. They had started the movie out by awkwardly selecting seats, till finally Kim grabbed the left front corner of the bed, lying on her stomach, and giving Tommy as much space as she could muster, maintaining a 'just friends' air.

They had fallen back into old habits, teasing, making random comments about the movie and who was the worst actor in the bunch. And when Kim had insisted that Tommy was a ringer for Kenau, they shared a five minute battle that left Tommy pillowless.

It was right after the bus exploded that Kim had felt her eyelids growing heavy and heard his voice in her ear, "Don't fall asleep."

"I'm not," she protested. She wasn't going to be that girl; she never let her guard down that far. Yet it had taken less than ten minutes for her eyes to close and her body to sag, her ears still catching phrases but mostly oblivious.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty, time to wake up."

"Mmm," Kim murmured contentedly as her eyelids fluttered open and she looked up at his face, so different, yet the same. She finally let it sink in how much she had missed him and it caused something deep to ache.

"Hey you," he whispered.

"Hey," she answered back, her voice still low with sleep.

"Come on," he gestured with a nodded tilt of his head. "Let's get you home."

Kim sat up, arching her back and stretching. "What time is it?"

"Clearly too late for someone," Tommy replied with a soft smile as he stood and reached out a hand to her.

She took his outstretched hand, pulling herself to her feet. "I wasn't really asleep."

"Yeah, yeah," Tommy shook his head. "Then that wasn't you I heard snoring."

"I do not snore!"

"If you say so."

"So did they live happily ever after?"

"Something along those lines."

"Or until the sequel?" Kim smirked.

"Or until the sequel," Tommy conceded as he rummaged through his suitcase before finding a thin jacket, slipping it on and moving to hunt down his shoes.

"Hey, where are you going?" Kim asked, putting back on her strappy sandals.

"I'm walking you home."

Kim resisted the urge to roll her eyes, sometimes the manners went too far. "No, you're not. It's like 26 blocks and then you would have to walk back. Plus it is late and you have your conference in the morning. I'm fine."

"I'm not letting you walk around New York at 3am by yourself." He crossed his arms in defiance.

"Hate to break it to you but I work last call at least twice a week," she corrected him. She didn't need caring for, that was the whole point of New York, of leaving Atlanta. That she was finally going to take some control of her own life, and with very little in way of a safety net- her friendship with Trini long since finished and Jason really gone for good this time. "I can take care of myself."

He must have read something in the set line of her shoulders because he didn't immediately rush in for the rescue, instead plying her with logic. "I know you can but you're tired."

"I'm not that tired."

"You couldn't even stay awake for the end of the movie."

Kim sighed; he had her there. She had just felt so relaxed, so comfortable with him. For the first time in a long time, she felt silent, at peace. But now standing in his room she realized that coming had been a mistake- not for her but for him. She had a nasty habit of leaving destruction in her wake. "It's late and you have to be up in less than five hours for your dino thing. I'm so sorry. I should thought about the time when I practically invited myself over. I don't always think before acting." Tommy caught her eye. "Not that you needed to be told that."

"Kimberly..." Tommy hesitated. It wasn't about his conference- he knew that.

"Please, just get some sleep. I'll… I'll text you when I get to Kyle's, okay?" And there it was, that sense of spiraling that came with second guessing herself. What was she doing here? And with him and with him looking like that? Remove the temptation was the only course of action, distance, space, and a cold shower.

"Just let me take you home," Tommy pleaded, coming up behind her.

She turned with a start, nearly colliding into him, her breath lodged in her throat for a moment before she spoke, her tone low. "But it's late."

"If you are that worried about it then just stay," he offered. "I'll take the floor. You can have the bed."

"No, I'm not kicking you out of your bed," she shook her head, chewing on her bottom lip, protesting against the kindness and compromise he was extending.

"Okay then let me walk you home," Tommy insisted, and his step forward seemed to swallow all the air in the room, making her slightly dizzy and hot. He filled her vision and in that moment something shifted, the world tilted beneath them, jarring them with the actuality of finally being alone for the first time in too long and all that wanting that never came to fruition. He was watching her, his dark eyes scanning her in a glance that missed nothing. She couldn't help the fingers of a blush that crawled up her neck and ears, flaming them pink in the soft light.

"Hey," she offered with a lazy smile, drinking him in in equal measure.

"Hey," he echoed back. He leaned forward, and Kim noticed how his eyes darkened as he approached her. His hand came up, caressing a piece of her silky smooth hair between his fingers, the back of his knuckles dragging softly against her cheek as his hand moved down its length.

She did not do this as a rule. She was no longer the innocent she had been back when her life revolved around monsters and holding hands with her boyfriend, but she wasn't promiscuous either. She did not follow the third date rule, it was more like the tenth, and she wasn't sure if this counted as a second date or maybe the thousandth. Maybe it was meant to happen eventually, because there they were, a thousand miles from what had once been home, a decade from the people they had been, and he still managed to give her butterflies.

"Tommy." It was a plea, barely above a whisper as he took another step forward, making her space his own.

Then he was pulling her to him, lips crashing against each other before sliding back into a habit that was akin to breathing, something needed. Both of his hands were in her hair just a bit too desperate, mess of chocolate and caramel strands in his palms as if she might vanish, and hers roamed all over, still restless and unsure how long this could go for. And then she remembered - _as long as she wanted_- and softened.

He tasted of tequila and spice, and something so old she'd forgotten it.

They relaxed into the kisses, setting her simmering until the itch changed into a yearning to touch all of his skin, and all over and now. It was only once he'd broken the clinch that she realized he'd had the same thought, his shirt gone and then shoes so he was standing there in months-worn jeans and nothing more.

He was tan now, too, like a Californian boy should be. No tan lines either so she knew his vanity had him sunbathing. It made her want to giggle. Not laugh, not snicker, but giggle. She went with it.

"What's so funny?"

"This." But she didn't give him time to think on her reply, rising on the tips of toes to lash the pulse point on his neck with tongue until she was rewarded with a soft moan of appreciation.

Her shirt went next, just over her head and tossed carelessly in the corner. Once she was in the mode she didn't even bother to stop, stripping off jeans and heels and all her underwear until there was nothing to keep her from him.

He watched her rather than helped which was unexpected.

"You're so thin."

It wasn't quite an accusation but there was a hint of something disappointed and confused in his eyes that she shied away from. She was better, so much better and yet it was still there. She was supposed to be happy now - successful career, well traveled, great life - and healthy. This was another reminder that she hadn't changed too much either.

As she thought it, it seemed like as insult and so she said, "You too."

He hesitated for a split second, concern over his lack of understanding flickering on his face before she pressed herself against him, skin on delicious skin that kept the rest of the world at bay. War waged, dueling tongues battled for dominance until he nudged her back towards the bed and she laid, skinny and sharp, boldly before him.

He hovered above her. "You sure?" There was a tremble in his voice as he spoke low in her ear as if he would break if she left.

"No." Conviction wasn't part of her world.

"Do you want to stop?" There was the Tommy she had known, the perpetual gentleman, no pressure- ever.

Did she want to stop? Always. She was sick of it, all of it, the roaming, the searching, and coming so close and yet it was never just enough. She was never enough. She just wanted to stop, stop running and just be at rest. She felt still with Tommy. Maybe that was enough, maybe it was everything.

"I want to be with you." It wasn't a lie and was as close to the truth as she could allow before consequences and reality would collapse in on her.

"Okay." She could hear the uncertainty in his voice. "No regrets, right? I don't want you to hate me in the morning."

His need for reassurance was unexpectedly endearing. She felt her heart lurch. "Only if you persist in staying over there with your clothes on."

With a laugh, he decided to be sexy. Put on a prowl and crawled over her, rough denim against tender parts.

"I'm immune to that," she lied.

"Really? This too?"

Oh, fuck no. Because that was him, rocking against her with hands all over and teeth and tongue waging battle against the column of her throat. He was doing that on purpose, sucking and bruising and being able to mark her with no one to immediately question it.

Her threshold for play was much lower than his and had decreased with the alcohol. She couldn't give herself time to think, if she did it would all fall apart.

She pushed, pushed, pushed, and tugged at his mouth, his chin, the scythe of his cheekbone with her teeth until at last he was inside her. It was intensely satisfying, immediately, in a way she could have never imagined.

Her sweat-slick chest rose against his, hoarse cries in her throat that escaped as needy gasps. Strong palms glided over her outer thighs, guiding her legs up and around his back, deeper than she thought was possible. She locked her ankles there, to keep him in.

It caused him to slow, to focus on her lips then eyes. "You good?"

"Yes." Couldn't explain it beyond that though, couldn't reassure him in that way he needed. She captured his mouth instead, tried to urge him on when she was so close already, was as soon as he began touching her.

There was an expansion of time, infinite moments squeezed into this one. She had no idea what it meant that they were together again, and couldn't attempt to even answer those questions which had started arriving quickly, like trains shunted into a holding station.

Oh, what it meant to her that it was _him_, and he was here, now. It was too much.

She cradled him afterwards, savoring the indolent feeling of his heavy body on hers, the impression of warmth that was left there. There was no hurry to move, to shake themselves out of the evening's comfort. Her hands palmed his shoulder blades with enough force to discourage movement and his forehead fit against her neck under the angle of her jawbone, as if it were made to. Didn't want to indulge thoughts like that but her self-discipline which normally banished them was as pliant as the rest of her. She loved the hot sultry breaths on her skin that he made as he came down, loved the velvet scrape of his hair against her chin.

When he eventually moved it was just a slide to the right, rolling her onto her side so he could curl around behind, one of her legs escaping out of the not-soft-enough sheets but resting atop his with the covers in-between.

It was a while before he spoke again, and it implored her to open her eyes and drop her shoulder down to see him. He looked as if he'd been watching her for a while, his voice reverent and caramel-low.

"You are so beautiful like that."

"What? Just been fucked and sleepy?"

"No. Well, yes. But…quiet. You look…quiet."

She was; just never expected to find it with him was all.

**To Be Continued...**

_Next Chapter- Jason finally makes an appearance._


	3. Three: Where You End Up

_A/N: Told you I haven't completely abandoned this story. Massively rewritten with more new content than old and expanded (from 3,800 to 6,300 words). Thanks as always to my readers. Your reviews mean so much to me. ~Del~_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: Where You End Up<strong>

Jason Scott was not where he wanted to be. Literally. The hotel room was small and smelled of mold and mildew. Granted he had stayed in worse. He had even thought it okay when he had checked in for two nights but now on night six he was beginning to resent it. It was his birthday after all, and not just any birthday- the big 3-0. He didn't need a night at the plaza but he missed his bed, (well technically _her_ bed). Thirty and still nothing to his name except that stupid red truck.

If anyone had asked him back at fifteen where he would be at thirty, besides cringing at the thought of being so _old,_ he would have figured he would own his own dojo and would be married, probably with a few kids- three boys, or two boys and a girl (only if the girl was the youngest and her brothers were the overprotective type). He didn't have some grand plans, not like Kim, who was out to tackle the world by storm, or Zack who was already planning what celebrities he would choreograph for; their dreams seemed unreasonable even back then and yet they made them happen. His goals had been modest but here he was the day of his 30th birthday, in a cramped hotel room that he would not even dare walk around barefoot in.

As for the wife and three kids, well that shipped had longed since sailed. Jason wouldn't let himself seriously think about children anymore. It just brought a lump to his throat and made him feel a little sick. He didn't have a wife but he had a girlfriend- sort of (if she could be called that). They had agreed on a no label relationship that suspiciously resembled the dreaded friends with benefits. It had taken Jason all of twenty minutes to regret that decision but it was done now and moving beyond it was proving more difficult than he had anticipated.

As Jason struggled to find a shirt not too wrinkled to wear to dinner with his sorta-girlfriend's parents, his phone lit up, vibrating against the small night stand. Jason went to hit ignore before a wisp of a smile flitted across his face- _Derrick._

"Hey, bro!"

"_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too_!" came a sing-song voice of the elder Scott brother.

"Har-har," Jason replied. His brother had sung him that stupid song every year since he was four. Though, Jase loathed admitting it, at this point he relished the tradition, a small piece of the past that hadn't been tainted by the present.

"So how is it hanging, birthday boy? Big plans for tonight?"

"The Kwans are taking me out for my birthday."

"Yikes. Dinner with the Kwans. Well at least they can't kill you on your birthday. So Trini finally came clean?"

No, Trini had not told her parents about them yet, if there was a 'them'. Jase wasn't so sure, having been temporary exiled from Trini's apartment so that her parents wouldn't find out that their precious only child was living in sin during what was supposed to have been a two day trip. Somewhere along the way they had decided to extend it, leaving Jason to flounder in his miserable hotel room.

He sighed, rubbing a hand across the nape of his neck. "No man, not yet but you know how they are."

"Dude, just break it off already. What did I tell you about dating your friends? Hasn't ended well for you before."

Jason let out a grim inward chuckle, Derrick has a point. Maybe he really was as hard headed as his brother accused him of being, somewhat comical coming from the running-back who lost his scholarship because he couldn't let go of a perceived slight. "It's not that easy. It's complicated."

Jason could hear his brother's disapproval over the line. "I just don't know why you went to San Fran in the first place..."

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>**  
><strong>_**Seven Months Ago…  
>San Francisco, CA<strong>_

_Knock, knock. Two sharp raps of his knuckles on her door, goose bumps dotting his flesh and hair dripping on to the carpet of the hall of her apartment building as he waited with worn thin patience for Trini to open her door._

_Then she was there, dark hair and almond eyes that were always kind. He watched as her momentary shock was swallowed up by a sigh at the sight of the water soaked duffle bag at his feet. "That bad?"_

"_There is no parking anywhere in this fucking city." He knew that wasn't what she meant but he was too tired and too cold to deal with it all right then, feet soggy in his shoes and his prized leather jacket shedding water onto the floor outside of her home._

"_Come on," Trini offered, opening the door wide and stepping aside to let him enter. _

_Jason tried to take in her place as he entered. The color of the walls or the art or something to comment on but his head hurt too much to notice anything besides the fact that it was warm and dry and clean. _

_She didn't say much, didn't say anything actually. Just helped him take off his wet jacket and pointedly looked at his soaking feet before gesturing to a neat row of shoes by her coat closet. He took his off and while his weren't lined up nicely next to hers he didn't just hurl them into a pile like he wanted. Despite rumors to the contrary, he wasn't a complete slob. _

"_Sit," she commanded and pointed to her inviting looking sofa. Jason complied with her request, plopping down onto the worn leather and letting his head loll back. He was wet and aggravated __from a less than pleasant drive from Reefside and futile search for a parking spot less than a mile away. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them he found a bottle of beer dangling in front of him. "Here. I think you could use this."_

_Jason took it with a sigh. "You have no idea," he admitted, taking a long pull. _

_They sat in companionable silence for a few moments, feeling slowly coming back into his toes and the tension eroding away. She didn't ask what was wrong, which he appreciated. She just sipped her own beer and waited with the endless patience he so envied. When he finally spoke it was to ask if he could crash with her for awhile, the vague time reference that he always used when asked how long any duration would be._

_"Do I even have to answer that?" Trini arched a delicate eyebrow in his direction._

"_I should have called. I shouldn't have just shown up on your door like this."_

"_Yeah, bit of a surprise but a good one."_

"_I've missed you," he admitted, voice cracking with the strain of it all. Truth be told, he was war wounded and bone chilled and had come to Trini because in the end she was the only one that would get it. Tommy was out of the question and Rocky could never believe anything negative about Kim. As for his family, they were practically her family too and no matter what had gone so wrong between them he was not about to be the reason Kimberly lost anyone else._

_Trini's slender hands cupped the back of his head, bringing him to rest his head near her lap and stroking his hair much like his mother used to when he was a boy. "I'm not going to say it," she assured him._

"_I told you so? Why not? You were right! I just can't believe…" He stopped short unable to put his pain and worry into words. "She needs help and refuses to see it and he is just making it fucking worse."_

_Trini offered him a resigned smile but did not ask who this 'he' was. Jason doubted she still cared enough about Kim to want to know. "You can't save everyone," she reminded him._

_It wasn't the first time she had told Jason that and he had a suspicion it wouldn't be the last. She had been through that trial by fire herself and they had had this conversation already._

_Jason didn't think it was bad advice, it just didn't apply to him. He had given up the spandex and hero scene a long time ago. He didn't care about saving everyone. He had only cared about saving_her_.__And okay, maybe save was a bit strong. Help- he had wanted to help Kimberly, or maybe she was helping him; he never could really get that straight._

_He didn't even know why he ended up in Florida to begin with all those years ago. The only reasons he could find, looking back, was that memory rolling around in his head that Kim had sat with him the summer before 7th grade when he broke his arm during a bad slide into 3rd and had lied to him that she didn't even like the pool because it ruined her hair. Or that she never told a soul about the fact that he had cried the first night Derrick went away to college; about how he had ended up on her back porch and she gave him her last pink frosted cupcake, said she would never leave him, and made him pinky promise the same._

_Maybe Kim had been nothing more than a sign of peace, a solid port in the storm of swelling tides that had been the Gold Powers rejecting him._

_Or maybe he had just missed her._

_They had never really been apart in anything since they were seven and Kimberly had demanded that he give her the last carton of chocolate milk. She had stomped her tiny foot, and told him that it was rude to go in front of a girl and it should have been her chocolate milk. That didn't seem like a convincing argument at the time so Jason had told her to get lost and the reply was a swift kick to the shin. It stung and Jason had struggled to not cry and announced that he was going to tell on her. Then she had cried, for fear or drama Jason never really understood, but he knew better than to make a girl cry. His dad would ground him for a month and Derrick would have made sure he found out. "Stop!" he told her, and when that didn't work he had pushed the chocolate milk over to her and one of his cookies to be on the safe side. The next day he found her sitting at his table and a chocolate milk waiting in his spot. _

_But whatever the reason, he had made the mistake of allowing his life to become so intertwined with Kim's that his heart hurt to see her stumble and ached to make her stop repeating the same mistakes over and over again. But he couldn't- couldn't fix it, fix _her. _And she as doing it again, after the loss and pain, she had seemingly learned nothing. And he just couldn't do it anymore._

"_I miss her too, you know." _

_Jason looked up, Trini's voice pulling him from the painful thoughts swimming in his mind. He pulled her down gently down to place a grateful kiss on her forehead. "Thank you." _

_He had been ringside when Kimberly and Trini's friendship had dissolved one night due to acid coated words and painful accusations on both sides. Jason had fought like hell with both of them for two months to mend things but neither girl would budge. In the end, it was Trini who had released him from middle man status, understanding that Kim's grief was much greater than her own and knowing that she needed Jason by her side more than Kimberly would even admit. Jason and her could remain friends in their long distance way but he had to stop bring up Kim. Trini would talk about it when she was good and ready._

_Trini's confession gave Jason permission to really speak about all of it, the whole wonderfully ugly mess of his heart and life and Kimberly's all-too prominent role in both. _

_So he spilled it all out, tears finally falling just before dawn when he admitted how damn scared he was of what would happen to Kim without him there to make sure she was taking care of herself. "But I just can't watch her do it again. Not after Hope."_

"_I know. I couldn't either." Quiet murmurs as she continued to stroke his hair. _

"_She didn't mean to. It..." And Jason wondered why after everything he still felt he had to defend her from Trini's most heinous accusation. "It just happened."_

"_I know. I was wrong. I just shouldn't have said that, especially not to her, not in front of you."_

_"It just… it just…" He knew the right answer was to say it simply wasn't meant to be but he could never bring himself to say it. "It might have worked," Jason reasoned instead, stubborn even with his life in shambles._

_"Maybe," Trini offered generously and as Jason fell asleep to the feel of her hands in his hair he finally felt some peace for the first time in almost a year._

_**End Flashback**_

* * *

><p>"It's complicated, bro," Jason halfheartedly explained. "After how it all went down, I just needed to not be around Angel Grove for awhile."<p>

"And speaking of train wrecks…" Derrick hedged.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"It's my stupid over-qualified secretary, Lisa."

"Think the term in personal assistant these days," Jason corrected his brother. "And please don't tell me she quit. She was the first one that could actually stand you."

"No, we are practically office married at this point. She is just too damn effective," Jason's brother sighed. "Look, I'm sorry but Kimberly had left something with me awhile ago. It was for your 30th birthday. Well, Lisa remembered it and shipped it to the apartment. Tried to call the carrier but couldn't get back. I'm really sorry, Jase."

Jason rolled her name around in his head, his pulse quickening. "Kim left you a package for me?" The words came out stilted and uncomfortable as his mind attempted to piece the words together to make some coherence.

"Yeah." There was a consolatory note in Derrick's voice. "Forever ago, before you went to Georgia. You know how she is, likes to plan. I completely forgot that I gave it to Lisa."

"A package from Kim for me is coming to Trini's?" Jason rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, his stomach rolling at the implications of a package from Kim arriving for him at Trini's, especially with the Kwans in town. A groan slipped out, his legs weak as he stumbled back a step towards the bed, sitting heavily on the creaking mattress. "Shit."

"I'm sorry. I fucked up!"

Jason couldn't help the eye-roll that was an automatic response to Derrick's over-dramatics. Three years older than Jason and yet for some reason he was always cleaning up the oldest Scott's messes. Maybe that was all he was good for- cleaning up after people who couldn't or wouldn't take care of themselves. It was an all too sobering thought. Thirty and he had accomplished nothing for himself, always too concerned about fixing someone else to ever concentrate on his own hope and dreams. Of course, that wasn't completely fair or true because a big part of his dreams had been _her_ but he refused to really acknowledge that point, clinging instead to the feeling of forever being used.

"It's nothing big or romantic or mushy. It's not like she sent you naked pictures or anything," Derrick rambled on.

"So you opened it?" He wasn't even surprised at this point. Derrick had no respect for his privacy and the fact that he was bringing this up now, on his birthday, just irritated Jason to no end. That he would bring _her_ up after everything. It wasn't a rational anger because he knew Kim, knew how she left so many breadcrumbs that completely eradicating her from his life was virtually impossible. He had tried it before this but still this was the longest Jason had gone without her and while he knew it wasn't really Derrick's fault, he couldn't help but hate the messenger for bringing her into his life again, if only just a forgotten birthday gift.

"Hell, yes I opened it! There was a chance of naked pictures."

"No chance of naked pictures."

"Dude, she gave it to me well over a year ago. At the time, there was totally a chance for naked Kimberly pictures."

"Kim wouldn't," Jason began, thinking how ludicrous a statement before Derrick quickly interrupted- "Tastefully done of course. Nothing too Penthouse."

So fucking ridiculous. Did he really just not get it? After everything, for Derrick to even consider that as a possibility- "Dude! You really thought Kim would- You know what? Never mind." Jason was done explaining it, past done. His father certainly didn't get it and his mother thought it was some phase Kimberly would eventually outgrow like when she was thirteen and would wear heels everywhere. For the past five years, Jason had to cajole Kim to even let him take a snapshot of her. If Derrick really thought some tasteful nudes were a possibility, he needed his head checked. "So what was it?" Jason asked with a resigned sigh.

"It's kind of stupid actually. It's just a red cane that had a T-Rex head instead of a handle."

Jason inhaled, his head rolling back to lean against the headboard. It was such a patently 'Kim' gift- stupid, and funny, and completely messed up in the best way. Something she had no doubt made or at least modified on her own. And Derrick had had it in his possession for awhile now, meaning she had spent time plotting exactly what to give him for his big 3-0 birthday and had settled on something completely outlandish. He didn't know if he should grin or groan and was acutely aware that she had made him do the one thing he had promised not to- _miss her_. "That sounds like Kim."

"You know that giving someone a cane with a dinosaur handle for a thirtieth birthday makes her certifiable, right?"

"That sounds like Kim," Jason echoed, unable to keep the hint of wistfulness from clawing into his voice.

"Are you going to be okay?" Derrick asked in earnest. "I really didn't want to screw up your birthday."

"No, it's fine man." It wasn't really but it was done now and Jason just didn't have the strength to stay angry. "Besides, maybe I can intercept it before Trini or her parents see it."

"Give Tri a hug from me. I still think you're nuts for messing with a Kwan but don't say I didn't warn you when she turns out exactly like her mom."

"Trini is nothing like her mom."

"That's what you think now," Derrick forewarned and Jason could feel his smile returning as his older brother once again reminded him of Mrs. Kwan's infamous lectures, rambling on about his own brushes with cutting through the Kwan's yard and the talking to that followed when he was still a teen. By the time Derrick made him swear that they would go out to celebrate next time he made his way down to LA, Jason was almost feeling like his old self again. He could almost forget that Kim hadn't even called. Almost.

* * *

><p>This was officially one of the worst birthdays on record and that included the time that the magician accidently set fire to his parents' shed while performing a magic show in their backyard. Jason had never felt more uncomfortable in his life.<p>

His initial fear that he and Trini would accidently give themselves away in front of her parents was apparently completely in vain. Dinner had been a perfect masquerade, not even a hint passed between them that they were anything, if they were anything- Jason was having his doubts. He had been waiting for a knowing smile or wink from her, a gesture that this was quite the rouse but no sign ever presented itself.

Instead, they had sat actually discussing suitable men for his sorta-girlfriend, Trini even taking a number that Mrs. Kwan had slipped across the table, a son of a friend who had recently moved to the area, before the older woman turned her dark eyes on Jason.

"You come back home, there are many pretty girls at our church." There was a lilt to her voice, a rolling of vowels as her accent punctuated the consonants.

Jason sighed, his mom had given him a similar speech eight months ago, minus the church angle. He had been home, if it could even be called that, armed with a few more boxes he needed stored, things he always managed to carry with him were suddenly nothing but a painful reminder of a life lived for someone else. His mom wanted him back or at least settled and she brought up the point far too often during his stay. Jason lasted two weeks in his childhood home which held so many memories that he sometimes felt he would suffocate on them before high tailing it to Reefside to crash on Tommy's couch, who did not ask questions and had a fridge well stocked with imported beer.

Jason took a sip of his water. "I don't know. I don't think I could ever settle down back in Angel Groove." He wanted to say that he was thinking about staying in San Francisco but he had made that lie before, only it was about Boston, Houston, and Austin. Jason was pretty sure that saying the words aloud was a jinx, as if he was daring the universe to throw her back into his orbit; and he needed her gone more than he needed her. He knew the song of long lost causes and he was not about to sing another refrain.

"Much safer now," Mr. Kwan offered, a thin frail gentleman with a quiet authority that his wife respected less and less with the passing years spent in America.

His comment caused Jason a grim inward chuckle; he had always wondered why people would continue to live in a city being regularly attacked by aliens. He made a mental note to ask Tommy how Reefside had kept its population from plummeting.

"Blah." Mrs. Kwan waved off her husband's comment. "Jason never worry about any of that mess. He's a strong boy." Yes, a thirty year old _boy_, Jason resisted the urge to sigh. "He is just waiting for the right girl to settle down with, no?"

He could feel the hot fingers of a blush crawl up his neck and ears, and focused on the bread in front of him, refusing to lift his gaze. He could feel Trini calmly watching him, weighing his response. She always had been the most observant of the group. She took it all in and then processed it before reacting; not him. With him it was all so instinctual, gut reaction and deal with the consequences later.

"How is Kimberly?" Mrs. Kwan questioned, oblivious or uncaring to the tension she was causing.

"I don't really know." His throat felt tight. He no longer knew the answer to that question, his self appointed exile had some draw backs. It would be a lie to say he still didn't worry about her, of course he did. It was as instinctual as breathing.

Mrs. Kwan tilted her head, as if she must not have heard him correctly. "She did not come with you to San Francisco?"

"No." Jason ground the word out like a cigarette under a heel. If she were there he wouldn't be, he couldn't be.

"Well, where is she? Why did she not come with you?"

"Mama!" Trini protested, voice unusually high and thin. "Jason doesn't want to talk about Kim."

"Trinity," her father admonished with a hush toned that left Trini silent but inwardly seething. Her face was passive, a placid dutiful daughter mask, but her eyes flashed dangerously. "Your mother was speaking."

"I'm sorry, Mama." It was the required response and Jason wondered not for the first time how Trini seemed to walk the tightrope between her parent's wishes and her own desires. It seemed exhausting. This- this pretending- was all so exhausting. How could she stand it? His mom might pry and prod but at the end of the day it was still his life.

Mama Kwan sent a sharp look in her daughter's direction. "You don't want to talk about her, Trinity, that's fine. I don't ask why best friends, such as you two, suddenly don't speak for three years. Why I had to put up with suck racket with the constant sleepovers or such, why we pay such an expensive phone bill for you, always had to use our frequent flyer miles to fly here or there to visit her, and then nothing. But do I ask? No. It's your life."

Jason could see the old woman was about to reload for another lecture. He remembered them well, once he accidentally knocked over her statue of and he was pretty sure his ears bled from the nonstop verbal assault. "She's in Atlanta," he blurted out. "Kim- Kim's in Atlanta."

Mrs. Kwan's eyes were sharp, measuring him in a glance. "You did not like Atlanta?"

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>**  
><strong>_**Eight and a Half Months Ago…  
>Atlanta, GA<strong>_

"_What the hell is this, Kim?" He couldn't keep the frustration from crawling into his voice. He was pacing, back and forth, back in forth in front of that stupidly large house she kept trying to convince him to go into._

_"Can't we just go inside and talk?" she pleaded, her caramel eyes large and beseeching._

"_No. We can't! What is _this_?" She jumped at his barked words and for the briefest moment he hated himself. She had been hurt enough and God knows he didn't want to add to it but this was all too much._

"_I thought you could at least be happy for me," Kimberly sulked, crossing her arms and running one hand over her upper arm as if chilled. Jason knew that move, had seen it for years- when she told him her parents were getting a divorce, before she went up for beam during the Sydney Games, when he found her in the hall of that French hospital. She was scared, frightened out of her mind. How could he be happy for her? Didn't she see that she was doing it again? Diving head first into the first person she could find until she disappeared completely._

_But he knew better to try to explain that to her. He had made that mistake when it had been Sven and failed again when it was that short lived fling with Bradley. So instead he focused on that overly expensive car she was standing in front of. "At least he has a nice car, right Kim?"_

"_It's actually mine," Kim corrected, hands falling to her side, defensive posture returning. "Andrew bought it for me."_

_Jason let out a grim chuckle. "Of course he did." Kim looked away, trying to avoid Jason's eye. "Jesus, Kim! He knows you can't drive for shit right?" It had been a running joke for years. She was comically bad, completely awful in a way that would have been pathetic if it wasn't so funny. She could pilot a plane but on the road she was worse than an accident waiting to happen._

_"He thinks I should learn."_

_Learn? Jason bit his tongue and rolled his eyes. Well good luck to him! Jason had tried to teach Kimberly for years but she could never seem to predict the movements of the cars around her. In the sky, she was fearless and free. On land, she was hemmed in by her own lack of understanding. "Can't he just get you a driver?" He gestured to the enormous stone home in front of them. "He clearly isn't hurting for money."_

_"Andrew says it sends the wrong message since he is running for office."_

"_So then take the bus! What is more voter friendly than public transportation?" The thought of Kim behind the wheel of that car in Atlanta traffic made him physically ill. _

"_Andrew doesn't think it's safe," Kim explained._

"_Safe? The bus isn't safe but you driving is?"_

"_Can we just stop already? Did you really fly all this way just to stand there and yell at me?"_

_No. He hadn't. Well maybe he had. He had come to talk some sense into her, to make her see this was all a big mistake, and she was too old to keep making the same wrong choices time and time again. He had come to bring her home. But now… "I don't even know what to say to you anymore."_

_She flinched at his words, clearly taken back. Through it all, the good and the bad and the truly terrible, Jason had never been at a loss for words save once. "Can't you just be supportive? I'm finally doing better! Why can't you just be happy for me?! I thought you said no matter what happened we would always be friends!"_

"_I can't watch you do this again."_

"_Do what?" Kim cried. "I'm finally starting to do better," she gestured to herself. "Can't you see that?"_

"_But it is wrapped up in him! In what he wants!"_

"_So?"_

"_So?" Jason parroted back. "So I have seen this before! And what happens when you run, huh? Back to square one- or worse!"_

"_I'm not going to run," Kim snapped._

"_Sure you're not." Jason shook his head sadly. She really didn't see it. Couldn't see it, Jason realized. Sven, Bradley, and now Andrew- always the same; disappeared into them, into their wants and desires. And even when she didn't completely lose herself, even when it was good like with Tommy, like with himself- she couldn't trust it. This Andrew might be perfect for her (though he doubted it) but in the end Kim would run. "Your parents' split really messed you up, didn't it?" _

_Kim stepped back as if slapped, jaw slack at his remark. He hadn't even meant to say it aloud. It just slipped out. "Go to hell!" She turned on him, pain and anger seeping out of every pore. "Why are you even here? I don't need this and I don't need you!"_

"_Now," he corrected sharply. "You don't need me _now_ but in a few weeks? When this all blows up? What then, Kim?" He knew he was bordering on being cruel but at the moment could care. She wasn't the only one that had been hurt._

"_I don't need you and I'm not going to. I know you might not want to hear this but I'm not some damsel in need of a rescue!"_

"_Sure, you're not," he snorted._

"_You want to play hero? Then go look up Tommy and his little group of rangers because I. don't. need. it."_

"_If I leave…" Jason paused, trying to get his bearings. "If I go, I'm not coming back. You can't call me when you fuck up your life again. If- if I leave then this is it." It was time, past time to be honest, because he couldn't keep doing this. He wasn't going to sit on the side and watch her burn her life down again. "So what is it, Kim? Do you want to come home with me or do you want me to leave?"_

"_Leave."_

_**End Flashback**_

* * *

><p>"No," Jason shook his head, answering Mrs. Kwan's question. "I didn't like Atlanta."<p>

"Too bad," Mrs. Kwan remarked. "You and Kimberly were so close. Always together you two. Peas in a pod."

Jason refused to meet Trini's gaze. "Not anymore."

The rest of the meal was an exercise in awkwardness. He had forgotten that the Kwan's were vegetarian and couldn't enjoy his medium rare steak over their disapproving glances. Trini had spent the rest of meal almost in silence or talking to her dad about her research, which caused Jason coma-inducing boredom, and Mrs. Kwan sent her order back twice. Finally, after what felt like the longest meal ever, they pushed back their chairs and stood. "Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Kwan, for taking me out for my birthday," Jason offered the requisite thanks as they made their way out of the restaurant, eager to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"Wait," Mrs. Kwan called. "I have something for you."

"You really didn't have to do that," Jason replied as she fished around her giant Coach purse.

"Here." She thrust a dog-eared photo of him, Kim, Zack, and Trini into his large hand.

It was taken the spring of 5th grade, back when they used to go hiking by the creek and Kim would name off all the plants she had learned as an Angelette. Jason knew because it was the last year she had braces. Sixth grade she had come back without a mouth full of hardware and was suddenly a cheerleader, wore too much makeup, and talked nonstop about kissing and clothes. Jason was pretty sure if Trini hadn't been there to keep her head on straight, Kim would have been lost under the pull of popularity. It was odd to think of them now, they had vowed to be friends forever and here they were scattered; Kim and Trini not even speaking. It was just wrong, all so wrong.

"Trinity does not understand how important the ties of friendship are but you do," Mrs. Kwan advised sagely.

"Yeah." He swallowed hard. It all felt like a mistake. This was not his life, this was not how it was supposed to work out. They were all going to be friends forever. "Umm…" There was that tell, that tingle in his nose. "I gotta go." He knew it was impolite and knew Trini would have his head later but he just couldn't. He tried to ignore the disapproving look on her face as he jumped in his truck and peeled out of the parking lot.

He had nowhere to go- not really. He couldn't go to Trini's and he would be damned if he was going back to that crappy hotel room. So he just drove. He used to be good at this, at moving on. The guys had always given him grief about his constantly changing address but it didn't faze him. He had never had a reason to stay anywhere and that seemed more important than needing a reason to leave. New place, new faces, new chances and as for home- there had been Kim. She hadn't always been with him, in fact a few times when he had almost felt like lingering too long she had called him up- a trip, an adventure, a rescue mission, something to always tempt him back. She had been his home. It didn't matter if they were in dying of heat in cafe in Italy or spending Christmas in a brownstone in Boston; her patented Kim eye roll and giggling laughter had made him feel fifteen again.

And now? She was gone. And home was becoming something he was beginning to crave.

He felt ready to pop; frustrated at the Kwan's, at Derrick, at Kim and Trini- at himself. If he had stayed on at the peace conference, if he had gone to college, if he had never stepped foot back in Angel Groove this would not be his lot in life. He felt tainted, stained, because he should have been over this by now, should have been a long time ago, and yet her name brought up in casual conversation or a photo from a lifetime ago always seemed to make the pulse in his neck tick and his stomach churn. He had left Kim for good and all this time, he who had taken her slender pinky in his own and promised to never, ever leave. Growing up had made him a liar, a coward.

Here he was, newly 30 and yet no place to go.

Jason needed answers but he couldn't bring himself to ask the questions. He wasn't in love with Trini and from what he could tell she wasn't in love with him either, but he did love her. That would be enough, after the roller-coaster he had been on, it would be enough. He just needed to know that she wasn't going to leave him, that at some point he wouldn't be her dirty little secret, he just needed a goal, a direction and then he would be fine. He couldn't lose her too; it wouldn't be fair. But he didn't ask, because they didn't do that. She didn't do that and he had learned his lesson with ultimatums.

So he drove on because this was not where he wanted to be. This was not who he wanted to be.

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

><p><em>AN: So my first foray into flashbacks. What did we think? Trying to take the 'show, don't tell' approach to storytelling. Lots of juicy nuggets about what some of our favorite rangers have been up to in the past ten years. To those that remember the original chapter- the conversation with Jason and Tommy will be in the next chapter and yes the revelation will still stand. Would love to hear your thoughts! As always- Readers are powerful, reviews are love. ~Del~_


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